Sometimes I’m still pissed…

So, my year of firsts is almost over… the last one will hit in just a few days: the first anniversary of my dad’s death. And it’s already hitting harder than I’d expected. Over this past year, I’ve sometimes told myself: It’s been {blank} months. It’s getting better. You’re getting better. You’ll get over the hump soon…. And then something slams into me and it washes over me again.

So yeah, the truth is I’m still sad sometimes…

… I still sometimes forget he’s gone and remembering takes my breath away…

… and sometimes I’m still pissed…

Because I really didn’t expect to lose my dad just yet. He was young. I’m young. We were supposed to have a lot more years of country music dancing, annoying phone calls, stupid jokes, and his big smile with those twinkling blue eyes. But that’s life, right?

You might be thinking, what does this have to do with OH’s books? Well, because even though I’m finding myself in a bit of a grey funk right now, I do have something to be thankful for and to be proud of, because this next release and the one before it are pretty big milestones for me.

For a while, I thought maybe I wouldn’t ever be able to write in the Love & Found Series. I was due to finish the second book in my beach romance in the months after Daddy died. But since that series is based in the locale where my family spent our weekends and summers, that wasn’t going to be easy. I confided to a friend a few weeks after trying to write, that the words felt hollow, empty like they were just going nowhere. Finally, I gave up, setting the manuscript aside to move on to other projects.

Then in September, I was invited to be a part of a romance anthology. I didn’t have any stories planned, but for some reasons Love & Found popped in my head and I decided maybe I could write a beach short. And when I mentally searched for a couple to write, Luke and Lacey from What I Wasn’t Looking For came to mine.

In the first Love & Found book, Luke and Lacey were already married with three little girls. Back in 2017 when I wrote that story, I set them up with little “bits and pieces” of my family, even making Luke a diesel mechanic who likes to cook the meals for the beach crew… just like my Daddy. It seemed crazy to write a story so intimately close to the pain I was still feeling, but somehow it turned out to be just the right decision. It was cathartic for me.

“You miss him. Your dad, I mean.”

I was startled not only by the sound of his voice invading my thoughts but also by the words. He’d made them as a statement, but there was a tenderness in his words that pierced me. I wondered how he could possibly have known my thoughts.

I inhaled a shaky breath, moving my head up then dropping it down in a quick jerk. “Yeah, I do. A lot. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing. How I should move on, you know?” I wasn’t sure he did know, but it didn’t matter. For some strange reason, it seemed okay to talk to him about it, maybe because it was pitch dark in the truck, and I felt safely ensconced in the black. “I know I’m supposed to. People lose their dads every day, right? But weird things catch me off guard. A scent. A song. Sometimes, I don’t even know what it is that sparks it. Yet even after over a year, it can still gut me.”

I felt stupid then. Like one of those people who just couldn’t get over something and were destined to let it ruin the rest of their entire existence. Sure, I was a functioning adult, working and carrying on my life. And I didn’t think of Daddy every moment of every day, but when his memory did start haunting me, it scared me. Like this would be the time I had a complete freakout and would totally lose control of myself. So, I just couldn’t afford to let that happen.

“I think . . .” He paused, and I sensed he was searching for his words. “People do lose their dads every day. But you don’t. You only had one dad to lose, and what it did to you is yours and no one else’s. You know?”

And, when I finished Luke and Lacey’s story, The Way You Drive Me Crazy, I found myself ready to dive right into Lost Along the Way. After almost two years, finally, Lizzie and Javi are ready to have their story shared with the world! And it’s kind of apropos because even though sometimes I feel like I get lost along the way in my journey of grief, finishing these two stories and getting my groove back holds the promise to me that there are always more days of love and happiness and joy to be found.

So, I hope if you haven’t already, you’ll head over to Simoneaux Bayou where the love can always be found.

Click ——–> HERE to order the book and enter the giveaway!

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